Understanding Regressions
It is not uncommon for children to experience regressions when they have faced something new or challenging. Sometimes at the start of a new school year, parents may notice that the bedtime routine drags on a little longer than usual, or mealtimes or self-care tasks (e.g., getting dressed, bathing, or brushing teeth) are a little harder.
In our work, we understand “regressive” behavior as an expression of discomfort or anxiety. Behavioral regressions are a normal part of development. Rather than being a permanent movement backwards, we see regressions as a temporary step back to a previous, more comfortable level of development, allowing the child to process and experience their feelings and then, in time, move forward in a more mature and resilient way. Regressions often occur when a child is under stress or experiencing a significant change such as a move, a new sibling, or the start of a new school year. When changes in behavior occur around such an event, children are best helped when the emotional impact of the change is brought to their attention.
Keeping the discussion going about what is different is a first step in helping a child recognize how their behavior is connected to their feelings. If children are most resistant during self-care tasks such as getting dressed, for example, gently conveying your understanding that a little extra help feels good when they have been working so hard in school, may gradually bring to their attention that it isn’t the task that’s the problem, but rather their feelings about developing independence, growing older, and coping with the increased demands of the next grade level. Share these observations and conversations with your child’s team and/or therapist for more specific guidance depending on your child’s age and emotional needs.
This poem from Mr. Rogers reminds us that regressions, i.e., needing more comfort, patience, and understanding, are not only a part of growing up, but are a part of being human:
Sometimes you feel like holding your pillow all night long;
Sometimes you hug your teddy bear tightly,
He's old but he's still strong.
And sometimes you want to snuggle up closely with your own Mom and Dad
At night, you even need the light sometimes,
But that's not bad.
Please don't think it's funny,
When you want an extra kiss.
There are lots and lots of people
Who sometimes feel like this.
Please don't think it's funny
When you want the ones you miss.
There are lots and lots of people
Who sometimes feel like this.
It's great to know you're growing up bigger every day,
But somehow things you like to remember
Are often put away.
And sometimes you wonder over and over
If you should stay inside,
When you enjoy a younger toy...
You never need to hide.
In the long, long trip of growing
There are stops along the way,
For thoughts of all the soft things
And the look of yesterday.
For a chance to fill our feelings,
With comfort and with ease,
And then tell the new tomorrow,
"You can come now when you please."
So please don't think it's funny,
When you want an extra kiss.
There are lots and lots of people
Who sometimes feel like this.
Please don't think it's funny
When you want the ones you miss.
There are lots and lots of people
Who sometimes feel like this.