Spinning Plates: The Impossible Task of Teacher-Parent
“Okay Kindergarteners, get your paper and pencil out. We’re going to draw what we’re feeling.” In response, your child grabs a pencil and paper and begins to draw this:
Not a face. -5 year old
And the internal parenting dialogue begins:
“Ugh. That’s not a face. That’s not feelings. He’s not listening. I’m not supposed to tell him what to do, but that’s not a face! He’s not listening to his teacher. Do I say something? Or not?”
At this point, the urge to say something is strong, so there are a few things to do:
Text someone you trust to get an objective view, and reassurance that you shouldn’t say anything! (a teacher, a family member with experience teaching children, a parenting coach)
Get your own paper and draw what you want to. Instead of jumping into your child’s work, do your own work parallel to him/her. Your parallel work can also be your responsibilities for work or supporting other children.
If you discover this later in the day due to other responsibilities, that’s okay! There are tips below.
Parents are often stretched in many directions, working to meet the needs of running a household, facilitating learning and progress throughout the school-year, managing work responsibilities, and savoring the few private moments in the day. Hung in a delicate balance before the pandemic, it’s now on thin ice or barely afloat. The model below provides guidance on how to anchor yourself and strengthen your metacognition while parenting and facilitating at-home learning, including homework.
Prepare
Take time to think about and prepare the environment with your child.
Add targeted foundational skills activities like climbing, listening to and telling stories, playing board games, doing puzzles, fine motor strengthening, gross motor and core development, imaginative play, etc.
Pause when challenges arise
Don’t go head-to-head in the heat of the moment. Find a time to talk about it later. Finding a time later will actually allow for you to go deeper and will help your child become more reflective. (“I remember those times when my teacher wanted me to do one thing and I felt like doing another. Is that what was happening for you when your teacher wanted you to draw a face?” Phrasing it this way, by identifying with your child and admitting you’ve done similar things, removes the fear that he/she is about to get in trouble for not drawing a face and will increase the likelihood that he or she will join you in thinking about it.)
Pausing and returning for these reflective discussions can teach you a lot about your child. The reasons why a child doesn’t follow instructions vary from situation to situation. You may be surprised sometimes! (For example, a child might respond, “She didn’t call on me [during a previous activity].” These little insights provide great opportunities for you to connect behaviors to feelings. You could respond, “Ah! Well then, that makes sense. She didn’t listen to you when you had something to say, so later you didn’t feel like listening to her when she said to draw your feelings.”) The more you learn, the better prepared you’ll be for similar situations in the future.
Reflect
Schedule time for yourself to reflect on how this lens can help you to unpack the challenging behaviors that may arise.
Think about each area of development and your child’s history and how it may impact learning. For example, a child with limited core and upper body strength may have challenges with the physical act of writing, and it may lead to avoidance.
Engage
Engage someone who can help you be objective and think through what might be causing the challenges. It’s helpful to have a learning specialist, counselor, therapist, or educator to engage in conversations about your child and learning. Contact us for support tailored to your child’s needs.
Forgive
It is most important that you forgive yourself for any challenges you had managing your child’s learning throughout the day. Put a post-it on the wall in a spot you’ll see throughout the day (bathroom mirror, above the sink, etc.) that reminds you to forgive yourself. What we’re attempting to do is hard, and no one gets it right all the time, even the most skilled and seasoned teachers.